Waiting with you

My husband would describe me as a loner. Now for anyone who knows me they'd see this and laugh - probably aloud. I am a people person, an extrovert among extroverts. However Phil would probably be right in this definition of me - I do things alone, the world is on my shoulders and mine alone. When I can't bear its weight anymore I come running to the ones closest to me - but I still have to run to them, they are not within my grasp. I see this lived out in the lack of weight words carry. You can send shooting arrows of fiery insults and unless you are chosen one or two, or use specifically curtailed words - you won't pierce my armor. Mind you this 'superpower' is not only for insults - it started as such, but eventually after years of building up one's armor even the tenderest of love poems will merely bounce of its steely structure.

Not being affected by words also makes it hard to discern the weight of your own words. If I am not hurt by such and such then well neither will you be. If compliments give little weight, then why would I waste my words applauding your good works.

If you think about it - an armor against words leaves one incredibly susceptible to being alone; entirely, explicitly alone. Yet the knight in the armor of titanium has a heart, even if it is hidden from others and at times himself.

"A man can keep his sanity and stay alive as long as at least one person is waiting for him." (Henri Nouwen)

God knew this about me, and brought me a spouse - a gentle warrior to fight that knight within in me and not give up. However unlike Sleeping Beauty he can not save me while I lay in a passive posture awaiting rescue.  Instead the rescue is much like the scene from the Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Aslan pulls the scales off of Eustace. It is only after he has given up his selfishness doing all he can to help the others without any guarantee of restoration. The knight in titanium armor can only be saved when willing to let go of its armor, willing to be put the other first, willing to let another help - which demands the knight to know and state their lack.

And I know you're here
Cause I need you here
Sometimes it's hard to say
That you're more than enough

And I've made mistakes
Took things I should not take
Said things I should not say
While you gave more than
Enough for me

My heart's been ripped wide open
By all the things I do not need
And your heart's been
Ripped wide open
As I keep chasing other things

My love don't run I want you
Wait here I'll come for you
My love don't hide I'll find you
Wait here I'll come for you

Sometimes it's hard to say
That you're more than enough