Drowning in the silences, Swimming in the dawn

I believe in a theology that is rich, full and beautiful.

I believe in a Holy Spirit, whose beautiful dance within the Trinity causes us to sing into Pentecost.

I believe that rain will cause us to grow, but the sun proves our perseverance.

I feel a failure in so many different ways.

While your words say otherwise, I feel I have broken your heart.

What I believe doesn't seem to connect with what I feel.

What I live is so different from what I know.

The darkness came, the Spirit spoke, and the dragon died.

But will I last....

I can't explain to you the intricacies, the connected reasons of why and why not,

these complexities are beyond my words to articulate.

But the melding between us has caused a rift, a void I can't express.

I don't want these demons, I don't want these blessings,

I just don't want to let go.

What I feel is screaming, and the voice of condemnation whispers my sins as I confess.

So I say all I know, because what I feel is too much for me.

You are God, You are a good, good God.

A father, a mother, sister, brother - You are.

All good things I have, all love I know is from You.

Three in One, a dance I am invited to witness, to join in by even the smallest part.

Will we wade into these waters, the oceans that have no end?

For You oh God are limitless, endless in character, love, and person.

I can spend my entire life seeking You, and a thousand eternities thereafter and I will know a simple drop.

But seek I must.

You know. Bring peace. Prayers of the Saints lift me up.

Cause these conflictions to speak true of who You are Lord.

For You are I AM - unchanging, unwavering in all You are. 

Living, breathing, present, past and all that will be.

In You all was made, in all You will be, and in You all will end.

I will be in You, and trust that You can, will and have spoken to me.

That's all I have left.

Selah.