I used to

I used to believe in capital punishment.
I used to believe in systems.
I used to believe I knew what justice was.

But two twelve year old girls being imprisoned till they are 77, that's not justice.
Us overtly avoiding the mental health issue while hyper focusing on gender, that's not justice.

I used to believe in black and white lines.
I used to believe everyone thought like me.
I used to believe I could transcend this insanity.

But a young girl laying in a hospital bed recovering from wounds inflicted by her "friends", that's not sane.
A young man hands wet with blood, shooters on campuses, schools, homes, and no trace of the Body, that's not sane.

I used to believe the prayers of the saints were superfluous.
I used to believe old men's longing for Christ's return to be demonstrative.
I used to believe we could make this right on our own.

But my heart yearns for peace, as the whole world groans in angst, tearing itself apart.
Our feeble hands unable to accomplish, yet we can do more than we are, and most of all we need to seek His face.

I used to believe I knew much more than I do.
I used to speak in certainty I can't hold anymore.
I used to be safe in the place of reason and knowledge.

But like my peers, like the masses surrounding me, my own unraveling is parallel to the world's failing.
Yet as the Creator takes me apart piece by piece, I will not be left an empty canvas but will be made into a new masterpiece - one that shines, that includes, that invites, and gives space.

Let us speak no more of "I used to". But let us join in the joyful sound of "I am becoming", "Christ is changing me", "I am not, but I trust in the one who IS."
These are not cliche quips, they are not simple answers to simple questions. These are the results of deep wrestling, of sleepless nights, of tears and groans only the Spirit can express. Yes, it may seem like all hell is breaking forth in this land and in our own hearts - but that is a glimmer, the Light can not die, and He who was before, is now and will be again....so let us run into Him.