Waters of gold I have drunk

Let Me speak who you are.
Stop searching for the voices,
The masses reassurance;
For the quiet leader's affirmation.
Seek Me, let Me speak life.

For I know you.
Your innermost parts are known by Me.
I can equip you.
I can call you.
Stop seeking the calf, the mediator between us.
Stop putting forth your "Moses",
Don't stop at the foot of this mountain.
I have called you to know Me.
To seek Me, to love Me.
Not My representation,
Not only My Body,
Not an idol you've formed in your pain.
I have called you to know Me.
Not as a fact, but true yada.
For I am the I am,
The inexpressible
The unknowable
The mysterious ever reaching God.
But I am not unreachable,
Nor am I unavailable.
I am present in your restlessness,
I am here in your silence,
In your movement I reside still.

Lay down your idols,
Quit finding My replacement.
Don't stop at the foot of this mount.
Come up my child.
In the waiting, don't fall asleep.
In the waiting, don't give up.
I am preparing a place for you.
It is here with Me.
Wait, and you will see Me.

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Oh, I am afraid.
You are a mighty and terrible God.
Your love is not contained, and Your beauty wholly other.
How can I know a God so holy?
How can I trust a man, a Spirit, a God, who is three in one?
Father, Brother, Sister, Mother:
You are.

I hear Your beckon and it frightens me.
It shakes my very core and I am frozen.
You speak, and I turn.
It's hard.
It's unbecoming.
All consuming.
I can't speak what I do not know.
Yet You call me to open my mouth.

I am sick in anxiety.
The nights no longer bring peace.
The precious lay waste at the war inside.
So arrest me Lord.
Capture all I am, and call me to holiness.
Sanctify these burning embers of shame.
Make clean these whitewashed tombs.
I will seek You.
Though I barely know You.
I will go up the mountain,
into the fire, the glory, the unseen.
I will not make these idols again,
the calf has melted away into the waters I have drank.
In this waiting help me not slumber through,
ignoring the call to wait here with You.
Let me not take my sword and cut,
blinded by my own insecure truths.
I will run into You.
We can never go back.
I can't get away from You.
Don't let me go.
For I am nothing without You.
All I am is found in You,
All the good I do is only from You.
All I seek is known in You.
All I am made for is in You, Your Body, Your Heart, Your creation.
Into Your glory I will go.