Everything must change

More than likely we have all heard someone at some point say, "everything must change". 

Brian McClaren wrote his book "Everything Must Change" to show what would happen when Jesus' Good News collides with a world in need.
Grahame Davies wrote the novel by the same name that contemplates social conscience and radical activism in the modern world in regards to different female philosophers.
Quincy Jones 1974 hit "Everything Must Change" has been covered by a half-a-dozen different artists since then and is often associated to the loss of a loved one.

When Jesus came to earth, His presence was perhaps the most decisive statement that really, truly from that day forward everything would change. Since Jesus birth, life, death & resurrection, each time we encounter this Jesus it causes a decorative statement in our spirits "Everything Must Change". We can not encounter Jesus - the Son of God, the Truth, the Word without every part of ourselves being changed. Whether we stay changed depends on our follow through to the call of discipleship, the willingness to lay our life down daily to take up Christ's glorious cross.

Many of us face other times in our life where events occur that cause a similar declaration that "everything must change". Whether it be the loss of loved one, a tragic accident, the birth of a child, marriage, relocation, new calling etc. there are many life events that call us to change, not just schedule but every priority, every activity is seen differently through that new lens of change. 

I've half-joked lately that everything will change and soon. If I take a job offer everything will change in my life. With the exception of my love, most haven't understood the gravity of this statement. You probably don't know, but life comes pretty easy to me most of the time. School is easy (with the exception of math), work is natural, friendships I know how to fight for them. It's not that I don't work hard, or fight for what I have - it just that I've never felt incapable. 

Another half-joke I've told most of my cognisant life is that "I don't lack confidence in me, I lack confidence in God. I know I can do it, I'm not sure about Him." While this is half a joke, it is also half a truth. With rare occasion I've not felt inadequate, truly challenged, restricted by the world. This world is my oyster and I am going to enjoy it to its fullest. I don't remember anyone ever telling me I can't do something. Of course my parents gave me restrictions, like don't stay out late, don't steal, be respectful etc. But I can never remember a time where I was told I couldn't do something because of my age, race, gender, or personality. If there were criteria - well you'd be sure I would meet them. Peer pressure was ridiculous, my friends wouldn't curse around me, and they'd drop me off at the coffee shop on their way to the club. I didn't feel insecure at these choices, nor did I feel ostracized. However often I felt misunderstood, and the deepest parts of my heart I felt alone.

See being fully confident in a broken vessel will only lead to a fractured lens that the world is seen through. When I met my husband everything changed, there was one who knew me; he really truly saw who I really was. Even with my anti-men rants, immature leadership, reversed sexism, in the midst of all my persona's - he knew me and stayed by even in my sin. Almost six years after saying "I Do" I know there is no one in this world who knows me and gets me better. I feel completely understood (most of the time anyway), I am completely accepted (though he certainly won't let me get away with anything and challenges the sin in my life daily). He is so ingrained into my identity, my personhood that I can't remember a time without him. His presence in my life has been so impactful he is in my memories even before he was really in my life. The only drawback to this dynamic is that I forgot God, not for a day, or a month, but for a few years. God wasn't necessary anymore - I was known, I was accepted by another more tangible being than the Almighty. God became a necessary part for others lives. God was only as necessary as the need or lack that the other had that I needed to speak into. But in a personal and tangible relationship - God got lost after I became a self-sufficient mother, wife, student and Christian. 

That changed at the beginning of this year, when for the first time in a very long time I was made aware of the innate lack in myself. I saw community and the desires of whole life came bubbling over like a flood. Entering in a new church is always hard, awkward and just a bit frustrating. At least that is the case for a PK and their 'church mouse' spouse. We have always felt a bit on the outside, and because of the love and acceptance between the two of us - we didn't need anyone else. We were/are blessed to have large families that incorporate us into their lives. We have some of the best parents, siblings and grandparents I can imagine - and we get to build relationships with them as friends as well. But when the stability of family started to move as everyone started to grow up and move on - the lack (at least for me) grew unavoidably large. 

Then God showed up. In the midst of the Lenten season, the God of the universe - whom I had forgotten His name - met me in the early mornings. Everything changed. My sister said she saw a difference on my face, she knew something changed. My husband and I fought less, my heart was softer, I was more open, loving and kind. I was ministering intentionally to those around me, friends from years past called for help - in a liturgical season of lack I was being filled. But to follow the liturgical calendar, after Pentecost Sunday the fire I had left. Life happens, we all have schedule changes and as much as I'd like to blame my lost fire to the job changes or school changes that would be a bit of a crock - I was working less than ever, school wasn't anymore time consuming. I had more time and yet found God less accessible. 

Change is hard. When we say 'everything must change' it typically is in response to something that has forced us to change. Whether it be a good or bad event - something has pushed us to the point of change, rarely do we stand up and declare "everything must change" without it being in reaction to something

My sisters are moving on with their lives, diving deep into the callings God has put before them. Our families still love us and want us, but the need of us has waned. As the world around us seems to grow distant, I have grown acutely aware of the three of us standing in the midst of the ocean having to decide which direction we will go. Yet at the same time, we are here, our physical presence remains in the same spot on the globe at least for another year or two. But you have to understand, everything has to change or it never will. 

When life thrusts us into change we still have the choice to decide how and to what degree it will change us. Life events like death, birth and marriage give us the unique opportunity to have quite literally, everything change. Our bodies, our location, our goals, our purposes, our hobbies, our jobs, our friends - everything is allowed to change with these large life decisions. It's a lot harder to declare such expansive change when it's simply accepting a new job, or changing majors - but it's often in these small changes God knocks on our heart's door. He whispers a call, a beckoning, an opportunity for something more.....

I am pursuing a new job, at my same employer. It's commitment is large in its time, energy, and efforts. For the first time in a while I feel horribly inadequate and unprepared. Since I switched to online schooling three and half years ago I have essentially turned off certain problem solving skills. Life has been easy, and I've been riding that wave with ease. But in this new position I'd be the boss, the one who directs everyone. I am not taking someone else's vision or rule and implementing it - I am giving the vision, the direction. I would be the name they'd use to motivate poor employees. It's a heavy responsibility. But not only would work change, but time would - time with family, friends, with Addie, with Phil, with Church... Everything I did would have to be intentional, I couldn't just expect things to happen. Same with my relationship with God. In order for me to be the light I have been called to be I would have to dive deep in the waters of the Spirit, discovering the Truth daily, and relying of God to be my everything. While hesitant, the deepest parts of my heart long for such a change. Because if it doesn't happen now, when will it?

I want to lay everything down for the sake of God's glory. I most intimately want to be ministry partners with my husband and daughter. Going out to worlds untouched by the Light, bringing the power of prayer, the power of love in tow. Following God's direction, traversing through this world to bring other's to the joy of salvation, the power of abundant life - to THE TRUTH. 

Everything must change, or I may wake up at the twilight of life realizing I have the world but have lost my soul. But I will not act in fear of the future, but in sweet patience, leaning on the Everlasting Arms I will move forward into His purposes so that everything can change continually till we become wholly His.