Going, Going Round and Round

Ever feel those moments where you are fit together like pieces of glue stick? The barely sticky, certainly not permanent, mostly dry glue stick? No? That's good, and you are probably wiser than I am. I do relate unfortunately, and I often try to get through life like a dried up glue stick. However unlike the lost cause glue stick, I am neither a glue stick nor am I a lost cause. If I reach back to the One who gave me life He is faithful to make me new, to draw me in - and I will once again have substance and purpose.

I often forget the simple things in life. I have a few new beautiful friends that bring the beauty of love and simplicity so elegantly into my life. One is a young mother whose eye for nature and the beauty of God's creation pulls within me the desire to get down in the dirt and create too. The other is a lovely young woman, whose physical conditions burden and inhibit her desires - yet she is the most welcoming, genuine, and warm person I've ever had the pleasure to befriend. They are anything but simple people, but they take the love of Christ and make it simple - a gift to be begotten and to be given. I want to relish life like they do.

I don't know if you are a hypocrite, but I am amazed at how often I am. No sooner were those words typed from my fingers than did I snap at my loves for disrupting my "me" time. I am a doer, and when I am done doing I desperately need to be or I start to lose it. But this need to be can not be lost in the midst of being. I must always be available to those I have pledged my love and life to, even before cleaning the house, making dinner or 'doing' anything else for them. I tend to the same thing with God. I will take time to be only after all the doing has pushed me to its edge.

I've always related more to Martha for this reason - also defending her and desperately wanting to understand her. I've always wanted to be the Mary, able to simply enjoy His presence - but rarely do I feel such a gift bestowed upon me. This week or so I have been a dried up glue stick my heart and attitude have been fairly 'me'-centric and I've lost sight of the glory of God. Guiltily I know why, its not a mystery and in fact its quite simple. I've been doing and I am on the edge of doings work and I'm about to snap since I have not taken the time to be in His presence. I've fallen asleep during quiet time, stayed busy during the day, and at night fallen into bed without a second look. But He has been knocking, reminding my heart that it is empty without Him - and my character, my body, and my spirit can attest to His absence.

Worship is the place I find my ability to be. Rarely is it corporate, and typically it takes time to push out the excess words to allow my spirit to sing to the King - but when it happens I never want to leave. I love prayer rooms for this reason, the presence and intimacy of the Lord is ever tangible in spaces set aside for the pursuit of Him. Phil mentioned this evening what I've been saying for three years - any mission we do is foremost a place of prayer, a dedicated space for the lost, the broken, the dry and the weary to find renewed strength in the presence of the Lord. In the intercession of holiness we find His face and are given strength for the morrow.

Dried glue
I'm that useless without You
Salt without taste
Is my being without Your life
Endless thirst
is all I feel without Your waters
Roll over me,
new life, new taste, new satisfaction
And I will run

Into Your Holiness
I will seek Your face in the darkness
I will stand in the gap before my King
Drawing near for the Love of Christ
Never giving up for the sake of His Name
I will remain

Light hidden
gives no hope to the lost
Hurts unforgiven
offers no safety for the broken
Mindless words
pain the desperate souls reaching
Spirit Indwell
take me, fill me, break me
And I will be

The reflection of Your glory
I am the broken bread being given
I am the clay vessel being poured out
Drawing near for the Love of Christ
Never letting go for the sake of Your love
I will pray

Holiness does not withdraw
But runs into the night;
With arms open wide
and a heart set above.
Holiness pleads to the Lord
"for the sake of one, forgive".
In the midst of loss
Holiness pursues the lost.
Regardless of name,
the Son drew nearer to the Father
and in turn stood in the dark.
Let me love like You love
Let me shine like You shine
I want to be holy as You are holy
I will, because You did, have and ever will be