My relationship with God tended to fall into the latter. Mind you, I have been moving towards God since I was a child; but my walk had become a crawl, that had turned into wiggling on the floor inching ever so slowly forward. Through the season of Lent, I was reminded often and profoundly of the faithfulness of God. He showed me His grace in finances, in church, in friends, in my spouse, in my daughter, and even my coworkers. A layer of dust had covered my lens, causing me to see everything askew but God wiped that clean to show me more clearly His work all around me. At the closing of Lent I found myself needing to discover Jesus. Liked I told my family last Saturday, my theology of Christ and even Soteriology is sound, but my personal relationship with Jesus was something I avoided. I understand God the Father - I have a great dad, so while my dad is not God and God is not my dad I have learned to trust the fathering nature of God because of my dad. I understand in part the Holy Spirit - having been raised Pentecostal, moved by the Spirit, comforted supernaturally in times of great distress I have seen the Spirit work in my life and around me. But Jesus...
Well Jesus is the name I said when darkness overcome my room. When principalities and power plagued my sleeping, my sanctuary, I could shout against the darkness "in the Name of Jesus" and the darkness would have to flee. But in recent times the person Jesus has been taken hostage it seems by any group who identifies with Him. From the radical conservatives, to the staunch liberals, and handfuls of different pockets of religion have used Jesus to prove their point. This has left me confused, wondering who is this Jesus fellow before the death and resurrection? His death I can theologize, His resurrection is my rescue - but what point is His life? I have often heard it is so God could identify with man, but I wonder if it is more so man could identify with God. The chasm of death and sin was so large, there was no bridge even in sacrifice that could fully cover that gap. Man would always be separate from God - unless.... It is in this unless, this exception we find the God-Man Jesus. This paradox, paradigm shifting, nature defying, man who was more than a good man, or great teacher. But God incarnate. I want to know that Jesus - not so I can prove a sociological point, or justify my political agendas - no I want to know that Jesus, because for God to become man demands so much even from God. The love, the care, the purpose, the design - it begs relationship! Step back, and look at God incarnate.... It strikes my heart, it makes me long to know this God-Man. I know there are limited circumstances I would want to incarnate anything to save anyone from the darkness. Yet God became man, so we could reach out and touch Him. We could see God, and know God in a way never before accessible.
I still struggle with Jesus' life. There are so many parables I don't understand, descriptions that turn my head, and parts of His work I simply don't get. But it is a journey and I intend to follow on this road.
Now to not seem hipster or trendy, but as I wrote those last words Awake by Mumford and Sons came on. In case you didn't know Mumford's parents started the Vineyard church in the UK - I often wonder the story there between the family. But their lyrics are similar to my heart this morning, after their song I included Awake, My Soul, and With the Sun a beautiful hymn by Thomas Ken.
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker
_____________________________________
Awake, my soul, and with the sun
Thy daily stage of duty run;
Shake off dull sloth, and joyful rise,
To pay thy morning sacrifice.
Thy precious time misspent, redeem,
Each present day thy last esteem,
Improve thy talent with due care;
For the great day thyself prepare.
By influence of the Light divine
Let thy own light to others shine.
Reflect all Heaven’s propitious ways
In ardent love, and cheerful praise.
In conversation be sincere;
Keep conscience as the noontide clear;
Think how all seeing God thy ways
And all thy secret thoughts surveys.
Wake, and lift up thyself, my heart,
And with the angels bear thy part,
Who all night long unwearied sing
High praise to the eternal King.
All praise to Thee, who safe has kept
And hast refreshed me while I slept
Grant, Lord, when I from death shall wake
I may of endless light partake.
Heav’n is, dear Lord, where’er Thou art,
O never then from me depart;
For to my soul ’tis hell to be
But for one moment void of Thee.
Lord, I my vows to Thee renew;
Disperse my sins as morning dew.
Guard my first springs of thought and will,
And with Thyself my spirit fill.
Direct, control, suggest, this day,
All I design, or do, or say,
That all my powers, with all their might,
In Thy sole glory may unite.
I would not wake nor rise again
And Heaven itself I would disdain,
Wert Thou not there to be enjoyed,
And I in hymns to be employed.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
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