Life for Him

I have been unsettled. I have been anxious, wandering in my thoughts and heart, depression sits at the door awaiting my call, and obsession lurks near by attempting to run in. My idols that I have built altars around, and worshiped are needing to come down - so the King can sit rightfully at His throne.

Sometimes we need to just be immersed in the testimony of the saints before. Reading hymns from my Great-Great (Great?) Uncle Phillip Paul Bliss, I see a window of such a testimony. His life and story is a beautiful read - close friend of D.L. Moody, he gave his life to the work of Christ and gave up riches for it, and his death a most romantic tale - escaping death in a train wreck he went back into the wreckage to save his wife during which he did not survive.

I have been wondering, wandering, and yet lazily awaiting a sign. The future, I wish I could turn off my head, and listen to my heart and spirit instead. Or ignore myself altogether to hear a tender word from my Lord. Phil and I always talked about our mission statement verse being 1 Corinthians 9:22b-23 "I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings." I have been able to morph fairly well in the past, but what do you do when you can be all things to all people - when you have to make a chose between people?.

The marginalized by society  the lowly - food service employees. But can I save them in the midst of managing them - will I have access if I don't?

The college students starting out their collegiate journey. I can't let this one go, and yet I can't see us there.

The unknown - or do we reach out to those we see, walking in faith that God will provide?

I want to yell,
God I need to scream.
The anguish in my soul,
is too much and I am overcome.
Why shine Your light,
when I can't follow its path?
Why let me taste of Your good,
when the bread is hide from my grasp?
Why taunt me with life,
when death is all I feel?

Don't question me,
my heart is guarded and can't be overcome.
I am a closed book,
oh but so desperately awaiting to be read.
Leave me. Don't let me go,
This division is not of You oh God.
Settle my heart,
calm this divisive soul, breathe.
Selah.
Selah.

My head full of logistics,
My heart longing for change.
Scene oh Lord, change the scene.
But You whisper, it is the season that means the most.
While the landscape may change in front of you,
the world will remain in that same shade, same hue.
Unless you walk into My purposes,
the scene will never give you peace.
You can climb the tallest mountain,
run to the farthest seas, and yet...
The calamities, and distresses will remain,
the struggles, the annoyances, unchanged.
Run into My season - seek it most fully.
Fall into My new mind for you,
and the scene will be made new.
Seek not the acclaim of men,
seek My life and speak loudly of love.
Walk in truth.
Meditate in righteousness.
Seek My Spirit's fruit,
wander not in vain.
Let My Light shine through,
and I will be with you always.
Differing of seasons, changing of scenes,
through hard trials, and more of the same.
I am with you always,
seek Me and you shall find Me -
but seek Me with all of your heart.
Let no ounce be troubled,
no part held back from the altar.
Then you will see Me,
and the light for your path shall shine.
Move towards Me,
to gain Me, not just an answer.
Trust Me child, I know you,
you heart is not unknown to Me.
Be not troubled for I will provide,
trust Me, know Me.