Leading

Lead, kindly Light; amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on;
The night is dark and I am far from hoe,
Lead Thou me on.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene, one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou
Should'st lead m on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will; remember not past years.

So long thy powers hath blessed me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost a while.

This is Lead, Kindly Light Amid the Encircling Gloom. I spent most of the morning sing/praying for my future. I even sang that I didn't need 20 steps, not even 4, but rather simply lighting my path to the next step would be enough. I was then led to this hymn, and the 23rd Psalm.

While I have walked with the Lord since the days of my youth (7), I have also walked with my pride allowing my will to rule even amid overwhelming situations. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be lead on by the Light, the Truth, Jesus. This hymn is a beautiful reminder of this. The history behind it is funny, as the author never intended it to be a hymn, but it was written as a poem in the midst of illness almost to death and being stranded awaiting to go home. It is said even Queen Victoria had this sung to her on her death bed.

The 23rd Psalm reminds us of God's faithfulness to be with us along the path, along the journey. The Holy Spirit is ever present in the life of a believer, never leaving us even when we feel alone. Sometimes we see up the great hill we are about to climb, other times we have enough light to simply not falter. But trusting and asking the Lord to keep leading us on. In this midst of everything, outside circumstance and inward pride, seeking the Lord and He will be faithful to lead us. I say these words in part of faith. My mind runs around the logistics, the options, the choices, and I feel worn. I see no 'best'. But no best is needed, and I yet I write that I want no only the best - I want a life changing, future altering, world shaking change. My heart yearns so desperately for more, that point of complacency that has long kept me distracted - I want to shake it off and run into the fields of gladness. I want to not hesitate with words of wisdom, songs of praise, acts of worship - I want to be not simply wait a future being. I guess that is why it has been in making a decision - I see the potential for life changing, and I don't think I've expressed that even to Phil, or to myself or to God.

Lord Jesus, as You lead me on, quiet my spirit,
Only Lord, quiet it if that is Your desire.
If this brewing for change is of You,
Then please Lord let if overflow.
But if it is simply my human flesh,
bored with the scenery,
than Lord grant me contentment.
Wherever You lead me,
I will go, as long as You are with me.
Don't send me away from Your presence,
keep me safe laden in Your temple.
I long to hear Your voice,
as though a gentle whisper.
I long to throw off these shackles of this world,
and yet I know You are here.
So lead me on,
quietly, gently; loudly with thunder.
However You want Lord,
simply lead me and direct my steps.
I will walk in Your ways
and I will follow.